


two times he cried and one time they kissed

by whatiwroteinink



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kinda, Light Angst, M/M, i literally wrote this in like... the eighth grade, only 2 things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 15:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19379482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatiwroteinink/pseuds/whatiwroteinink
Summary: following evan and jared from when they were close, to when they were distant, to when they became closer than they had ever been.





	two times he cried and one time they kissed

**1**

Jared Kleinman couldn’t sleep. It was either too dark or too bright, too hot or too cold, and he was thirsty. Padding down the stairs to get a glass of water, he heard a hushed voice from the kitchen, and paused to make out the words.

“I just don’t know, Heidi. I know in the long run… Well, I’m sorry, but he wasn’t very good for Evan. But… This could make it worse…”

There was a pause.  _ She must be on the phone. _

“No, I know. I just- oh my goodness, that’s horrible! Are you sure he’ll be alright?”

Another pause.

“Look if Evan- … If you need anything, call me?”

“Ok, goodbye.”

And of course, Jared didn’t know what was happening. But his best friend was - well, he didn't know exactly, but it must not be good. So, quiet as a mouse, he slipped back up the stairs and opened his window, grabbing a firm hold of the closest tree branch, and began climbing down. Dropping to the wet grass from a couple feet above the ground, he noticed a stuffed lamb lying on the sidewalk.  _ Evan must’ve left it here when he stayed over last week, _ Jared thought, picking up the toy and beginning to run down the street. One, two, three houses down and one across, Jared was there. He had seen a truck outside today, but it was gone now. He put the chewed and worn lamb in his left hand and began scaling the tree to Evan’s window, pausing to see the stars at the very top before opening the window and climbing in. And what he saw scared him.

The room was, well, a mess. It wasn’t in the meticulous state of order Evan preferred, and Jared thought he could see why. Evan was lying in bed, curled around a pillow, and crying. Jared had seen something like this once before, when they had been in a restaurant that was really loud. Evan had to go outside, because his mom had said “He didn't like the noises” in there. Jared hadn't cared though, cause afterwards their moms had let them play on the swingset outside the restaurant, and they had felt the sun on their faces. But this seemed different. He wasn’t fidgeting like he had that one day, with his hands moving all around and everything, he was just sort of small and shaky. Like he was all out of energy and just wanted to cry.

“Evan?” Jared said quietly, noticing his friend start at the sound, and burrow deeper into

his blankets. However, he had stopped shaking as much, so Jared decided to continue.  

“I have your lamb,” he said, fingering the soft, chewed, ear and walking over to sit by Evan. “You left it in my yard, last time your mom had you come over for the night.” Jared slowly crawled into the covers next to Evan and handed him the toy. Suddenly, though, he decided to change tactics. He put his arms around Evan and did what his mom always did when he was sad. He started singing.

“ _ Oh won’t you come with me _

_ Where the moon is made of gold _

_ And in the morning sun _

_ We’ll be sailing _

_ Oh won’t you come with me _

_ Where the ocean meets the sky _

_ And as the clouds roll by _

_ We’ll sing the song of the sea _ ”

Jared stopped singing when he felt Evan’s heartbeat slow and fall into a regular pattern. He smiled into Evan’s hair as he fell asleep.

And if his mom was worried when he wasn’t home, she must’ve called Heidi immediately. And if she did, Heidi obviously checked her son’s room, and didn’t think for a moment to wake the boys.

 

**2**

 

“Ev, I’m busy,” Jared muttered, hardly looking up from his phone. He was seven rounds into this tournament and wasn’t going to lose just to hear Evan talk about some girl for an hour. But, as he looked up to tell Evan to beat it he noticed something. Evan was rocking back and forth on his toes and fidgeting, clear signs that things were getting overwhelming quickly. And Jared was nothing if not Evan’s friend - no matter how terrible he was at it. He quickly turned to his ‘friends’ and powered down his phone before speaking:

“I’m tapping out now, guys. You win.” He then immediately got up and put his hand on Evan’s arm, steering him towards the hallways as his tics got worse, contorting his face as he rapidly blinked his eyes. 

“Hey, no, Evan?” Jared muttered, panic for his friend rising in his voice, “We’re almost here, ok?” He continued muttering words of encouragement as they hurried out of the cafeteria and tried to find a secluded area to sort this out.

Broom closet. Bingo.

_ God, this is so gay. _

“Evan. Buddy?” Jared spoke up, trying to catch Evan in the eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, sorry sorry sorry,” Evan murmured, falling against the barely closed door of the closet and closing his eyes.

Jared inwardly sighed. He thought this had been getting better. “No,  _ shit, _ um, no. Evan? You don’t need to be sorry. Your d-  _ he’s _ not here anymore. Ok?”

Silently cursing his inability to deal with the situation, Jared awkwardly stuttered around asking Evan if he needed anything, before looking down with a start. Soft, hiccupping gasps began resounding in the small closet as hot tears fell down the younger boy’s face, pooling on his chest. 

_ Dammit. _

“ _ Shit,  _ Evan?” Jared muttered, sitting cross-legged on the floor by his friend and moving his hand forward uncertainly. “Ok, no, I need you to breathe with me. Evan. Evan? I need you to breathe.” 

And Jared did what he’d learned to do four years ago. Back when they’d been closer, in seventh grade. He pulled the younger boy’s head onto his chest, taking long deep breaths and stroking his friends hair. 

“Shh, shh, it'll be ok. Shh, I’m here, it's only me. Shh.”

And you know what? It was ok.

 

**+1**

It had been one week. One week since everything had gone to fucking  _ hell _ and Jared had left Evan to pick up the pieces. One week since Evan had reportedly “remembered” what had happened that February. And on this one day, this one week, Jared was scrolling through his Tumblr when he heard a knock at the door. Shaking his head -  _ someone else will get it  _ \- he settled back down to see who it was. Then he heard a voice. 

“Jared, if you don’t answer that door and let him in, you’re losing your phone for a  _ week _ !”

It was his mom.

Grumbling, Jared slowly made his way down his stairs and opened his front door. There were a lot of things he could have expected when he opened the door. Alana could be here. Pizza delivery. Mailman.

But there was one thing Jared most certainly didn’t expect as he pulled open the door and squinted into the sheets of rain falling.

And that thing was Evan Hansen.

Suddenly he understood what his mom meant.

“ _ Jesus, _ ” he muttered under his breath, then sized Evan up and sighed, “I’m only letting you in so my mom won’t take away my phone.”

As the door opened further, Evan flinched away from the light and walked slowly into Jared’s living room, fiddling with his shirt and darting his eyes about the room. Sitting down on the couch, Jared came to another realization about the shrunken figure currently standing in his living room.

Evan was crying. Silent tears were streaming down his face, making his breath catch and his face turn red and blotchy. 

“What wrong,  _ Ev _ , fall out of another tree?”

Suddenly, Evan was still. His eyes widened and the tears stopped - but only for a moment. It was like a shield had gone up. Ice had frozen him. 

And then the shield shattered.

The ice fucking _ melted. _

Evan fell to the floor, sobbing. Loud gasps filled the once silent room, building up in the air and exploding like a thousand water balloons. 

_ Shit, _ Jared thought, looking helplessly at the shaking figure on his floor. But before he could move, Evan spoke.

“Jared, I didn’t- I… I didn’t fall,” another gasp broke the silence before Evan continued.

“It’s… I… I jumped.”

And then he looked up. Blue eyes wet with tears met blue eyes closer to tears than Jared would care to admit. 

And then Jared made a decision. He slowly climbed down off of the couch, crawling toward his friend. Slowly, deliberately, Jared lifted Evan’s chin and leaned in. 

And it was electrifying. Their lips met, the soft and quiet before the music crescendoed. Hot, salty tears fell and mixed on their shirts, matching the steady thunder of rain on the roof. Hands in hair, hands clutching shirts, pulling, _needing_ what was happening. 

But a perfect moment can’t last forever. Thunder pulled the boys into the real world, jolting them apart. They looked at each other a beat, before Jared broke out into apologies. 

“ _ Fuck _ , I’m sorry, Evan.  _ Shit _ , that wasn’t-”

But for once, Evan was the interrupter instead of the interrupted.

“No, it was… good. It was good.” 

And it was good for a long time after that.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! i remember this being one of the first fics i was ever really proud of back when i wrote it, so thanks for taking this journey with me. as always, follow me on tumblr @and-its-only-us and @what-i-wrote-in-ink.  
> comments and kudos make the world go round!


End file.
